How Equine Assisted Therapy Helped my PTSD
How has Equine-Assisted Therapy helped my PTSD
Working alongside horses for the past 12 months has perhaps done more for my healing than the previous 22 years seeing traditional psychologists and psychiatrists. This is what projected me towards this avenue originally. I had spent so many years working through the traditional models of treatment and recovery, yet had made little to no progress in sustainable change; I decided I needed to start looking at alternative means.
I embarked on this journey totally petrified of horses, of the enormity of them, of the strength and power of them, and due to this, the lack of control I would feel when around them. What I discovered however, was that whilst intimidated by their size and strength, they could be very gentle, very forgiving, and that they are so self-aware. There were times when their ‘life’ would come up and they were confrontational, but never unsafe.
Every time I stepped in to that arena, with whatever horse had come in to work that day, it was as if the horse knew what I needed to address, and would mirror this to me. It’s like they inhabit this innate primal sense of recognising incongruent states, so regardless of how you present yourself, be that confident, self-assured, etc, the horse would not buy in to this, but to what truth was held in the recesses of your body. You cannot work on an intellectual level with a horse, they do not have the cognitive ability of a human, nor do they have language as we understand it. For them to survive they need to be highly tuned in and quick to respond to the emotional state of those around them. Because of this you connect straight to the heart of a matter. This was perhaps one of the reasons why I achieved so much more from the equine therapy than those traditional routes. I was terrified of my emotions, I did not want to experience them, I did not want them to exist. I did not know how to deal with them so I would avoid them at all costs, and one of the ways I would do this was by engaging my therapists in intellectual discussions around an issue, without ever having to go engage in it myself. There was no room for this with the horses, they started working the moment I was in their presence, and consequently, so did I.
I have always had an affinity with animals, with a driving need for them in my life. They offered me a safe place; a place where I did not need to perform, a place where I could just be fully me, and the horses allowed for this also. I could be fully present with them, in whatever emotional state I was in. If I was sad and tearful that was okay, if I was anxious and stressed that was okay, if I were frustrated and angry then that was okay too. I could bring my authentic self to the surface without fear of judgement or ridicule, and instead, an unconditional acceptance.
During my equine therapy sessions, nothing was left unturned. Each horse that I worked with would bring out something different to address. One week it may be boundaries, the next it may have been relationships, another week unresolved grief, and the list goes on. This was only made possible for me due to this environment- it was a safe place to practice assertiveness, to allow such overwhelming emotions as grief and anger to have a place. It was a setting in which truth prevailed, and trust was established. I could lay down the façade of my life and spend 50 minutes connected to myself and the present world around me. I never left a session feeling anything but uplifted and confident, which was not always the case when having sat through a psychologist’s appointment. Nothing was ever left open and unfinished here, a complete work was done in that time. Sure, I may have had to revisit the issue again, yet I never felt vulnerable or desolate as I re-entered the world that day, I felt positioned and enabled.
The personal growth I have experienced over the past 12 months has been phenomenal. I have developed a sense of self where there was previously confusion and trepidation, I have learned to be assertive when I’d otherwise have been silent, I am able to identify my needs and have the confidence to communicate these, I can accept my emotional states, sit with them, and know that they will pass. I can engage in life around me, no longer needing to disassociate, I can be present with my children without their needs overwhelming me. I have started to form friendships and relationships built on equal terms, I am learning that I do not need to fear everybody, and that in fact, relationships are essential to my happiness. The horses have taught me that there is more than one way to approach a problem, they have taught me how to soften, and how to be vulnerable is not to be weak but instead to be real, and that it is only when we are real can anything change.
I came to Arobridge with an eating disorder, c-ptsd, depression, and generalised anxiety. However, none of these labels mattered, what was addressed was me as a whole inter-connected, inter-related person, and this is where my recovery has come from. No longer was I compartmentalised, treated following this transcript for this diagnosis, and this protocol for another, often with multiple treatment providers, instead I was met and seen as the collection of my experiences, and in turn, my healing and recovery reflects this.
Working alongside horses for the past 12 months has perhaps done more for my healing than the previous 22 years seeing traditional psychologists and psychiatrists. This is what projected me towards this avenue originally. I had spent so many years working through the traditional models of treatment and recovery, yet had made little to no progress in sustainable change; I decided I needed to start looking at alternative means.
I embarked on this journey totally petrified of horses, of the enormity of them, of the strength and power of them, and due to this, the lack of control I would feel when around them. What I discovered however, was that whilst intimidated by their size and strength, they could be very gentle, very forgiving, and that they are so self-aware. There were times when their ‘life’ would come up and they were confrontational, but never unsafe.
Every time I stepped in to that arena, with whatever horse had come in to work that day, it was as if the horse knew what I needed to address, and would mirror this to me. It’s like they inhabit this innate primal sense of recognising incongruent states, so regardless of how you present yourself, be that confident, self-assured, etc, the horse would not buy in to this, but to what truth was held in the recesses of your body. You cannot work on an intellectual level with a horse, they do not have the cognitive ability of a human, nor do they have language as we understand it. For them to survive they need to be highly tuned in and quick to respond to the emotional state of those around them. Because of this you connect straight to the heart of a matter. This was perhaps one of the reasons why I achieved so much more from the equine therapy than those traditional routes. I was terrified of my emotions, I did not want to experience them, I did not want them to exist. I did not know how to deal with them so I would avoid them at all costs, and one of the ways I would do this was by engaging my therapists in intellectual discussions around an issue, without ever having to go engage in it myself. There was no room for this with the horses, they started working the moment I was in their presence, and consequently, so did I.
I have always had an affinity with animals, with a driving need for them in my life. They offered me a safe place; a place where I did not need to perform, a place where I could just be fully me, and the horses allowed for this also. I could be fully present with them, in whatever emotional state I was in. If I was sad and tearful that was okay, if I was anxious and stressed that was okay, if I were frustrated and angry then that was okay too. I could bring my authentic self to the surface without fear of judgement or ridicule, and instead, an unconditional acceptance.
During my equine therapy sessions, nothing was left unturned. Each horse that I worked with would bring out something different to address. One week it may be boundaries, the next it may have been relationships, another week unresolved grief, and the list goes on. This was only made possible for me due to this environment- it was a safe place to practice assertiveness, to allow such overwhelming emotions as grief and anger to have a place. It was a setting in which truth prevailed, and trust was established. I could lay down the façade of my life and spend 50 minutes connected to myself and the present world around me. I never left a session feeling anything but uplifted and confident, which was not always the case when having sat through a psychologist’s appointment. Nothing was ever left open and unfinished here, a complete work was done in that time. Sure, I may have had to revisit the issue again, yet I never felt vulnerable or desolate as I re-entered the world that day, I felt positioned and enabled.
The personal growth I have experienced over the past 12 months has been phenomenal. I have developed a sense of self where there was previously confusion and trepidation, I have learned to be assertive when I’d otherwise have been silent, I am able to identify my needs and have the confidence to communicate these, I can accept my emotional states, sit with them, and know that they will pass. I can engage in life around me, no longer needing to disassociate, I can be present with my children without their needs overwhelming me. I have started to form friendships and relationships built on equal terms, I am learning that I do not need to fear everybody, and that in fact, relationships are essential to my happiness. The horses have taught me that there is more than one way to approach a problem, they have taught me how to soften, and how to be vulnerable is not to be weak but instead to be real, and that it is only when we are real can anything change.
I came to Arobridge with an eating disorder, c-ptsd, depression, and generalised anxiety. However, none of these labels mattered, what was addressed was me as a whole inter-connected, inter-related person, and this is where my recovery has come from. No longer was I compartmentalised, treated following this transcript for this diagnosis, and this protocol for another, often with multiple treatment providers, instead I was met and seen as the collection of my experiences, and in turn, my healing and recovery reflects this.
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This beautiful testimonial was offered to the Arobridge Team after we presented the Meditation with Horses- at the International Horse Spirit Festival 11 February 2017 at Dune Lakes Lodge
Whow!! Thank you for this Kathy.
First and utmost, from the centre of my soul I thank you AND the other two ladies ( have already thanked Tex and the other horses) who have given me the most “Spiritual” answers that I have been waiting for, for sooooooo long asking them am I really connecting with you guys (if you choose too) or is it just “my ego” wanting this, and was certainly told and shown.....definitely not your ego Linda, we do connect!,.... I thank you Kathy and your team that what I experienced was totally and unconditionally a gift that I honestly don’t have words to describe. Funny thing after dismounting off Tex my back went into alignment sooooo good I tell you. But the meditation journey you took us on was incredible Texas and I were literally going up and down valleys, through forests, lakes and when we were doing this my First Nation ancestors,( the Cree Nation, my Dad was an American) came with us, I was so overwhelmed, so happy finally meeting them all, we were all talking so fast, smiling laughing, crying, hugging, felt very safe just didn’t want to leave them. I have always had a connection with the Native Americans even as a child, the same with the horses I felt they are and have been my (other brothers and sisters), but I didn’t share that out as to be frowned upon or sounding crazy..I think you know where I am coming from :+)
Thank you for the beautiful photo’s I will treasure them and for my meditated journey, that was REAL.
If any of you are passing down this way my door will be open (metaphorically speaking) just let me know.
Once again Kathy and your team for one of the best experiences of my life.
Big hugs to you all. :+)))))) Still reflecting!
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I can't thank you all enough for being so positive and enhancing my life's journey - and Sarg - he's a pin up on my wall where George Clooney once resided - ok, if you're jealous I'll put your photos up also
Thank you all again..hugs for Sarg...... and wishes to you all.....cheers....Brenda
Thank you all again..hugs for Sarg...... and wishes to you all.....cheers....Brenda
